Puberty myths your child needs debunked

Puberty can be particularly daunting for kids as they start to approach adolescence. Our question box is always full of queries and concerns related to periods, mood swings, erections and the like. We actually receive so many questions related to periods that we’ve created a whole separate post dedicated to menstruation (see next week). But there’s a lot of misinformation out there, and kids can come up with pretty wild ideas. So as parents, it’s important that we help unpack with our young people what is and isn’t true about the changes of puberty. Here’s some common myths we often get asked about.

Fact: Puberty doesn’t have to be scary, and there can definitely be good things about it. Learning about puberty so that you have an understanding of what’s happening to the body can help stop it from being frightening or daunting. And many people might look forward to things like growing taller – or just growing up!

Fact: Puberty will differ from person to person, but in general girls do begin puberty earlier than boys. Puberty usually begins between eight and 13 in girls, and nine and 15 in boys.

Fact: It might be years from the first signs of puberty to the last. Many things change and develop at puberty, and rarely does it happen all at once – certainly never overnight. In fact, puberty usually takes three to five years. While some of us might wish we could wake up 3 inches taller, the body doesn’t work like this. And that’s probably for the best.

Fact: People of all genders can find their voices get deeper at puberty. You might just notice some boys’ voices more than girls’, as they have a bigger change and sometimes vocal ‘cracks’ or ‘breaks’.

Fact: Wet dreams, or nocturnal emissions, are when people ejaculate or secrete vaginal fluids during sleep – and they are completely normal. They might have been dreaming about something sexually pleasurable, or they might not remember their dreams at all. Wet dreams during puberty are not only normal, but they can also be quite common (although not everyone will have them).

Fact: While a lot of people will experience their first crushes during puberty, not everyone will. Some people might get crushes earlier in life, some might a little later, some much later – and some never will! All are normal, and there’s nothing wrong with how it happens for each individual.

Fact: While hygiene and eating well are always important, pimples can be unavoidable due to hormonal changes during puberty. As the body develops, these hormones stimulate the sebaceous glands to make more sebum, and the glands can become overactive. Too much sebum can clog the pores with oil and lead to acne. If pimples or acne are causing any distress or self-consciousness, talk to a trusted adult or a doctor.

Fact: Some people might believe this to be true because of the word ‘boner’, a slang term for an erection. But in fact, there are no bones in the penis. It’s actually blood that causes the penis to become hard and stand away from the body during an erection.

Fact: Puberty doesn’t happen all at once; it happens in stages. Often, there’s several growth spurts during puberty. Some people might be excited to grow taller, and it will happen, but it might not happen at the start or at the same time as other developments.

Fact: The clothes you’re wearing are usually enough to hide erections, but if you’re worried, you can always tie a jumper around your waist. Erections also normally go away by themselves within a few minutes. Concentrating on something like doing multiplications in your head can also help them to disappear quicker.

Fact: It’s true that puberty is often a time when young people begin to seek and form identities outside of their family ties. They’ll want to test out their own opinions and try to solve problems on their own. This is in part due to the hormonal changes in the brain (puberty isn’t all physical!). But it doesn’t mean that all, or even most, young people will suddenly dislike their parents or no longer want to spend time with them. They’ll still need their parents for help and support.

Fact: ‘Gynecomastia’ is overdevelopment of the male breast. In preteen and teen boys, gynecomastia can be caused by the hormonal changes of puberty and breast buds can be common. The buds tend to go away within the first year of their growth.

Fact: Hormonal changes increase sweat production in people of all genders throughout puberty. And it isn’t just regular sweat either; your sebaceous glands begin producing oils that are a particular favourite of odour-producing bacteria.

Fact: It’s true that the hormonal changes in your brain that happen over puberty can make emotions more changeable and pronounced, but they don’t turn you into an entirely different person. And these emotions can be managed through healthy strategies, like say, going for a walk, exercising, listening to music, talking to a friend or trusted adult, or distracting yourself.

• Our fact sheet: ‘Let’s talk: puberty’
• Our fact sheet:‘Let’s talk: 5 tips for talking’
• Our podcast episode: ‘Talking puberty with your teen or child’
• Our article: ‘How to cope with your child’s transition into a teenager’
• Our article: ‘The DO’s and DON’Ts of the puberty talk’
• Legitimate Sexpectations: The Power of Sex-Ed, Katrina Marso
• The New Puberty, Amanda Dunn
• The Secret Lives of Teen Girls: What Your Mother Wouldn’t Talk About but Your Daughter Needs to Know, Evelyn Resh